Some Words

ON GRIEF AND LOSS-

This is not loss, only delay. - Pastor Phillips

We don’t want to be melodramatic, especially around others who have experienced this multiple times. But I also don’t want to be less of a human simply because I am a Christian. I believe that our faith in Christ enables us to enter more authentically into grief than would otherwise be possible. - Pastor Phillips

Many know how fondly I loved my daughter; and this love has not been extinguished by her death, but continues to be nourished by sorrow and ardent desires. - Philip Melanchton

Each person’s valley is each person’s valley. – Jonathon Gibson

I have learned rapidly in the school of anguish this week, and am many years older than I was a few days ago. - Robert Dabney

It was not so much that I could not give my darling up, but that I saw him suffer such pangs, and then fall under the grasp of the cruel destroyer, while I was impotent for his help. To see my dear little one ravaged, crushed and destroyed, turning his beautiful liquid eyes to me and his weeping mother for help, after his gentle voice could no longer be heard, and to feel myself as helpless to give any aid, this tears my heart with anguish. - Robert Dabney

O Death! Thou art the destroyer of a mother’s bliss. – Thomas Smyth

We resign the soul of the child to Him that gave it. - I am in deaths often; Lord, teach me how to die daily. - Matthew Henry

Be not too hasty to get off the yoke which God has put upon your neck. Remember when your child was in the womb, neither of you desired the infant to be delivered till God's appointed time was fully come. Now you travail again with sorrow for the baby's death. Do not desire to be delivered from your sorrows one moment before God's appointed time for your deliverance has fully come as well. Let patience have its perfect work. Comfort which comes in God's way and season will stick by you and do you good indeed. - John Flavel

I heartily wish that through these searching afflictions you may come to see more of the evil of sin, the emptiness of this world, and the fullness of Christ, than you ever saw before. Afflictions are searchers, and put the soul upon searching and trying its way. Happy are we, if by the light of affliction, we recognize our own sin. - John Flavel

My heart's desire and prayer to God for you is, that by these frequent converses with death in your family, you may be prepared for your own change and dissolution, when it comes. O friends! How many graves have you and I seen opened for our dear relations! How often has death come up into your windows, and summoned the delight of your eyes? It is but a little while, and you shall go to them; we and they are distinguished but by short intervals. Do not all these warnings, knocks at our doors, acquaint us with the fact that we must prepare to follow shortly after them? - John Flavel

God has given me three sons, all living, only the youngest lives with God. – Oliver Heywood

“How many children do you have?” is a question I am often asked. No matter how many times I have heard it, it can still raise my heart rate and make me flustered. Sometimes I hesitate. Should I say “three” since that is how many are on earth? What if they ask their ages? Then I will have to explain that my daughter died… But laying aside someone else’s potential discomfort, there is only one answer that sits right with me. “Four. I have four children.” My mother’s heart cannot leave out my second child. I am her mother. – Jackie Gibson

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SOVEREIGN AND GOOD-

Am I going to keep believing what I know about God despite my circumstances tempting me to feel otherwise? – Jackie Gibson

It is tempting to try to define God’s character by our experience. When life is easy, we have no problem believing God is good. […] When God gave us good gifts, we were full of praise; but as soon as we felt them being pried from our fingers, we were quick to complain “How could you, Lord?” – Jackie Gibson

If we are striving to understand what God only knows, then we will be constantly restless. How could a good God ordain for my daughter Leila to die? I don’t know. Like Job, I must be willing not to understand and leave it in the hands of a God who does, a God who is “righteous in all His ways and kind in all His works,” – albeit sometimes mysteriously so. - Jackie Gibson

Believe in the darkness what you have seen in the light. – Lilias Trotter

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense, But trust Him for His grace; Behind a frowning providence, He hides a smiling face. His purposes will rip’n fast, Unfolding every hour; The bud may have a bitter taste, But sweet will be the flower. Blind unbelief is sure to err, And scan His work in vain; God is His own interpreter, And He will make it plain. -William Cowper

“Whate’er my God ordains is right, Here shall my stand be taken; Though sorrow need or death be mine, Yet I am not forsaken. My Father’s care is round me there; He holds me that I shall not fall, And so to Him I leave it all.” - Samuel Rodigast

In life no house, no home my Lord on earth might have; in death no friendly tomb but what a stranger gave. What may I say? Heav'n was his home; but mine the tomb wherein he lay. - "My Song is Love Unknown" by Samuel Crossman

Nothing takes place save His appointment. – John Calvin

The Lord has certainly dealt a severe and bitter blow in the death of my infant son. But He is Himself a Father, and knows best what is good for His children. - John Calvin

God is more merciful, but its such a strange sort of mercy [upon looking at a cross]. It sometimes looks like punishment. - Graham Greene

We believe that God sovereignly ordained the death of our child for His own glory and for our good. We do not know what this good is, but we know that God is good in all that He does. We have made every effort to derive all the spiritual benefit from this grief that God intends for us. - Pastor Phillips

In answer to the question, ‘What could have been done differently,’ God’s Word is clear. Nothing. Psalm 139 tells us that our babies’ days were numbered before they came into being: ‘Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.’ This means that our babies were only ever going to live for the days God apportioned to them. […] Nothing I could have done would have altered the eternal plans of God, even though I have often longed to go back in time and give it a try. […] When I realize that I could not have saved my daughter’s life, peace flows into my heart, and I sleep more soundly. – Jackie Gibson

Seven years after Leila’s death, I look at my life and see a pile of precious gems that I received through the trials of suffering. Has this made Leila’s death “worth it.” No. Her death is still a result of the curse and not “good” in itself. Why she died will remain a mystery until heaven. But God has not wasted a bit of my suffering. – Jackie Gibson

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HOPE-

As I stand by the little grave, and think of the poor ruined clay within, that was a few days ago so beautiful, my heart bleeds. But as I ask "Where is the soul whose beams gave that clay all its beauty and preciousness," I triumph. Has it not already begun, with an infant voice, the praises of my Savior?- Robert Dabney

When life is pleasant, it is very easy to snuggle into the comforts of this world and feel at home here. We love putting down roots and settling down. But it is not until our foundations here are shaken that we acutely feel that our citizenship is on another shore, that this world is not our home. Suffering makes us homesick for heaven. – Jackie Gibson

During our pilgrimage on this earth, from our conception to our grave, God is in the business of transforming us more and more into the image of Christ. He is a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief, a man who was pierced and crushed and wounded. Becoming like Him, therefore, is a painful process. If it was only through suffering that Christ Himself was made perfect as our Savior, it should be no surprise that it is only through suffering that I am made perfect as His imitator. The places we tread have first been marked by the feet of our Lord When He leads us through the valley of the shadow of death, we know that He is right there ahead of us, carrying His cross. – Jackie Gibson

The path in which we follow Him – is bedewed with His tears and stained with His blood. – Edward Payson

There was no attempt to drown [Jesus’] sympathies, and force Himself into a hard and inhuman indifference. Neither was He ashamed of His possession of our ordinary sensibilities. He felt no weakness to weep in public. – John Eadie

In those first days after Marilyn’s home-going, in my effort to handle the deep and crushing grief of my loss, I sought to frame into little maxims the various aspects of the biblical principles with which I wrestled. I would repeat these words to myself and they helped me greatly: Albert, think more of what Marilyn has gained than of what you have lost. I reminded myself again and again that she had gained that which is the burning desire of every true believer, even her complete and final release from all sin. - Albert Martin

Safe in the arms of Jesus, Safe from corroding care, Safe from the world’s temptations, Sin cannot harm them there. - Fanny Crosby

As soon as our souls pass into glory, we will see Jesus. We will not feel strange or out of place, but profoundly and permanently home. – Edward Donnelly

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OTHER-

"To a Christian Gentlewoman [23 April 16281:]

My love in Christ remembered to you. I was indeed sorrowful when I left you, especially since you were in such heaviness after your daughter's death; yet I am sure you know that the weightiest end of the cross of Christ that is laid upon you, lies on your strong Savior. For Isaiah said that in all your afflictions He is afflicted (Is. 63:9). O blessed Savior, who suffers with you! Your soul may be glad, even to walk in the fiery furnace, with the Son of Man, who is also the Son of God. Take courage. When you tire, he will bear both you and your burden (Ps. 55:22). In a little while you shall see the salvation of God.

Your lease on your daughter has run out; and you can no more quarrel against your great Superior for taking what He owns, than a poor tenant can complain when the landowner takes back his own land when the lease is expired. Do you think she is lost, when she is only sleeping in the bosom of the Almighty? If she were with a dear friend, your concern for her would be small, even though you would never see her again. Oh now, is she not with a dear friend, and gone higher, upon a certain hope that you shall see her again in the resurrection? Your daughter was a part of yourself; and, therefore, being as it were cut in half, you will be grieved. But you have to rejoice; though a part of you is on earth, a great part of you is glorified in heaven.

Follow her, but do not envy her; for indeed it is self-love that makes us moan of them that die in Lord. Why? Because we cannot mourn for them since they are happy; therefore, we mourn on our own private account. Be careful then, that in showing your affection in mourning for your daughter that you are not, out of self-affection, mourning for yourself.

Consider what the Lord is doing. Your daughter has been plucked out of the fire, and she rests from her labors. Your Lord is testing you by casting you in the fire. Go through all fires to your rest. And now remember, that the eye of God is upon the burning bush, and it is not consumed; and He is gladly content that such a weak woman as you should send Satan away frustrated. Honor God now, and shame the strong roaring lion, when you seem weakest.

Should you faint in the day of adversity? Recall the days of old! The Lord still lives; trust in Him. Faith is exceedingly charitable and believes no evil of God. The Lord has placed in the balance your submission to His will and your affection for your daughter. Which of the two will you choose? Be wise; and as I trust you love Christ better, pass by your daughter, and kiss the Son. Men lop the branches off their trees so they may grow up high and tall. The Lord has lopped your branch off by taking from you many children, so that you would grow upwards, setting your heart above, where Christ is at the right hand of the Father.

Prepare yourself; you are nearer your daughter this day than you were yesterday. Run your race with patience; let God have what belongs to Him. Do not ask Him for the daughter who has been taken from you, the daughter of faith; but ask Him for patience; and in patience possess your soul. Lift up your head; your redemption draws near.

Your affectionate and loving friend in the Lord Jesus,
Samuel Rutherford"

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[Spurgeon’s reflections on Jesus’ High Priestly Pray in John 17 – “Father I desire that they also, whom You have given Me, may be where I am, to see My glory that You have given Me.”]

Many times, Jesus and His people pull against one another in prayer. You bend your knee in prayer and say “Father, I will that Your saints be with me where I am.” Christ says, “Father, I will that they also, whom You have given Me, be with Me where I am.” Thus, the disciple is at cross purposes with his Lord. The soul cannot be in both places: the beloved one cannot be with Christ and with you too. Now, which pleader shall win the day? If you had your choice, if the King should step from His throne and say, “Here are two supplicants praying in opposition to one another, which shall be answered?” Oh, I am sure, though it were agony, you would start from your feet and say, “Jesus, not my will, but Thine be done.” You would give up your prayer for your loved one’s life, if you could realize the thoughts that Christ is praying in the opposite direction- “Father, I will that they also, whom You have given Me, be with Me where I am.” Lord, you shall have them. By faith, we will let them go.